I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
