see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
