Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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