Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
