your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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