dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I got inside last night via doggy door
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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