She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
