This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
