Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
