I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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