oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize