You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
