My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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