I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
