im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
