If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
