I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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