she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
