I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize