Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
