If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
