It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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