If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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