You just made me feel so damn special
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
