You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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