i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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