I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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