I'm lost and stupid without you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
