the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
