It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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