OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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