Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
