I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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