I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
