My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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