i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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