drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
