My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
