Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize