you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
