the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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