is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
