i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
