i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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