mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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