Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's blow job season.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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