So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out