I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.