A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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