Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!