i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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