dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.