Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
