we're chasing vodka with high fives
You can't motorboat a personality
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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