The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
