So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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