hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
