Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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