Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
