I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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