she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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