I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
