I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
FUCK WHALES
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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