shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
