We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
