i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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