how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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