You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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