would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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